Fasten Your Seatbelts...Keep All Hands And Arms Inside At All Times...The Ride Is About To Begin

....It is off the Grandma and Grandpa's...just me and the two girls leaving at 7am...hopefully some of the 5 our trip will be filled with sleep (by the girls, not me)....

This will be the first time my Mom, my wonderful Mom, my friend, my constant shoulder to lean on...will meet M....We are all very excited!...Bouncing off the walls excited! We are also fearful...

Fearful of the conflict, the emotions, all the "female" emotions, of sharing Grandma (and Grandpa)... sharing hugs, time, love, play, conversation...all what used to be just Pancake's...There is great potential for fun, and there is a great potential for sickening trials, drama, and...emotions....HELP!

I know the reality is, that regardless of what happens...it will be good to be with my Mom...
It will be good for M. and still a blessing filled with wonderful memories for Pancake, too.

So we will hang on tight...trusting God...for the ride to come...

College Bound Year 2

The Boy left today...college bound year 2.....

It seems like summer has barely begun and yet The Boy is heading back to school.

He really doesn't begin for two more weeks,

however football camp/training is a-callin'....

I still do not think M completely understands this concept, but when The Boy doesn't show up for several weeks, I think she will get it. I did try to explain that we will go see him play in some of his football games. M's response was, "Is there a playground?"...She truly fits in with the girls of our family. Da Man will miss all the guy talk that he is so often neglected of throughout most of the year. ...(another topic, another time, probably not... this T.V. cage fighting thing, what in the world...???)

The Boy worked hard this summer...three jobs (kind of), plus continuous training and working out and still ready for more.... We will miss him, but also know we will see him soon...

Our NOT So Lovely Day

Today was one of those days that I was hoping could speed up, so it would just be OVER. Right now I have two girls lying in their beds...both mad at me...or, hopefully by now, asleep.

I could not win today.

We had tears from all three of us.

The emotions were; sad to angry,

small...very, very, small moments of happiness to pouty,

mad to sulky,

fairness to jealousy,

to not-fair,

to grieving...

an endless roller coaster ...

if it was not one child, it was the other...

or both...

or, me.

I finally gave myself a timeout in my bedroom,

door shut and no interruptions for maybe all of ten minutes.

Everything was just completely out of WACK today....

M wants to go back to Ethiopia.

She misses her Grandmother....

sometimes I forget that God is watching over us,

guiding us in the path we should go.

How dare I question His plan!

Lately, I have been wondering why in the world did we bring this little girl to America, when she has a family in Ethiopia that knows and loves her. Why are we aloud to adopt these children, when they have family that they have maintained contact with throughout their "orphaned" life?

Is this truly an orphan?

I love M, whole heartily.

She is apart of our family right here in America.

God lead us down this path of adoption and I know M. is the perfect fit for our family....

but it is simply crushing to see her little heart ache for her other family...

in Ethiopia.

In addition to the above;

we have the language barrier and many misunderstandings

that are interpreted as favoritism when it is truly just a misinterpretation.

Then of course,

Pancake feels left out because of all the attention M is getting.

....I know, I know,...its just one of those days.

Only by God's grace did we make it through today,

and I pray tomorrow we are rejoicing in whatever He gives us.

Goodnight!

The Reality

A not-so-tearful M with Pancake

When I see the slow trickle of a tear out of M's eyes, I know, I just know, she is yearning, and heartbroken for what...or who has been left behind. Often in these times of solace I will ask M, "What is wrong?" "Are you sad?" And the common response is, "Nutting (Nothing)."

... Two days ago she actually admitted she missed Ethiopia....she missed her Grandmother. I wanted to tell her, "You will see her soon." or, "Lets call her." But I knew and know, this is not true and not an option...I can, and did say, "Let's write your Grandmother a letter." Then, the guilty sinking weighted feeling at the pit of my stomach throbbed... and throbs with the most likely truth; that the Grandmother will never receive M's letters....It hurts my heart to know I can not fully help.... I can not fix the pain that M is feeling.

I cannot fully understand, or comprehend what she is feeling.... it must feel something like the death of a loved one... I do understand that feeling. Maybe, it is not quite that strong of a feeling, yet...but when it is completely understood in her little heart and mind the full reality of "coming to America" I think this is what she will feel.

M is adjusting well, beyond what we could ever have hoped...but the truth is, there is still a lot of hurt...a lot of pain that she will have to process throughout her life. I know M belongs to Christ and through him she and we will make it through all of this together.

With Loss Their Is Gain

My Mother-In-Law with "Da Man"

My Mother-in-law died in the midst of our Ethiopian travels.
The day we met M...

our first day in Ethiopia...

day 3 of our journey...

was also the day we found out My husband's Mom had passed.

We knew it was very likely she would go while we were traveling,

but it was still a struggle to process while we were so far away and,

in the middle of something so incredibly joyful.

We know God is Sovereign.

We know that it was HIS will.

In sadness we will praise him and in joyous times ...

we will praise him.

"Pancake with M"

The Long Awaited Moment

My God is So Good So Strong & So Mighty,

There Is Nothing My God CANNOT Do!

Thank you Lord!

Moments after we were united

what a trip

We were giddy, and goofy, and abounding with joy for our Ethiopian trip!

After all the packing, praying, arranging, re-arranging, weighing bags, praying, late nights, lists, phone calls, emails, cleaning, organizing and more praying....getting on that first airplane to Washington D.C. seemed like a vacation. Pancake got her window seat and we listened to an audio book on the ipod...we were on the way to get our M. Any lists, phone calls, organizational tasks, planning...none of it mattered. What was done was done. We were on our way...breath...thank you, Lord!

The trip was quite an adventure....No heights, nor depths, will keep us from our M. No hours upon hours of travel, nor canceled flights, nor sleeping in the the D.C. airport, or no leg room, or bad customer service, nor no luggage....will keep us from our M. Amen!

Ethiopia- Here we come!

The long awaited day has come! We are on our way to Ethiopia to meet our new daughter.

middle names

Mary Ann; my mother-in-laws name,

this will be our "M's" middle name

Meaning:

Wished for Child by God's Grace

WOW!

Top 10 Keys To Being A Great Friend To Someone Leaving The Country To Adopt

10. Offer to water your friend's garden to make sure nothing dies while she is out of the country

9. Offer to swim in your friend's pool while she is gone, and of course take care of pool
maintainance

8. Be on the emergency call list for any home, business, pet, or family emergencies that may
come up while your friend is out of the country


7. Plan meals for your friend for when she returns with a new child in hand, a tired family,
and a very tired self -so she will not have to cook

6. The week before your friend leaves, bring over fresh lettuce from your garden, because
you know she and her family are too busy to eat healthily

5. Clean your friend's house before she returns

4. Hang cheery "welcome home" signs throughout your friends house for her return

3. Make sure your friend's home is supplied with milk, oj, bread, homemade
adorable cookies, brownies, and a meal for her first night home

2. Drive an hour each way to & from the airport to greet with hugs, smiles and flowers your very tired friend and her family as they get off the airplane

And the number one key to being a great friend to someone traveling outside the country to adopt is.....

1. Before your friend travels surprise her with copies of her keys that you knew she needed to give to different people caring for the house & pets.....Oh and I guess along with this number 1 answer; PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!

Thank you, God, for all my GREAT friends!

Making It Real

A few days ago I got a call from Mary T. letting me know that our Ethiopian daughter ("M") is in the Hospital....



We have been in the adoption process for over a year. Our hearts and minds are filled with lots of anticipation of who God has planned for our family. When we received the referral call we instantly fell for our new daughter; however, My husband and I, actually the whole family, felt a bit aprehensive. We had a couple let downs along this adoption journey already and did not know if this one, was truly "The One". When we got our court date, it was another glimmer of hope of what may come. All the updates and photos have continually touched our hearts as we fall even deeper for our dear "M". Still wondering, in my mind at least; is this really who God has planned for us, or will things fall through? Then of course, the biggest call of all; PASSING COURT, I think that call from Mary T. will be forever embedded in my memory. She is ours. Ethiopia here we come...



But, what truly ancored the reality of "M" being ours was the hospital phone call. "M" and several other children ended up in the hospital due to high fevers and dehydration. They were put on medication and have since been taken back to their care home. The thought of my daughter in the hospital, without a parent made my heart ache. I wanted to be there in Ethiopia taking care of MY daughter!! I wanted to sit beside her through the night, hold her hand and stroke her hair. My baby needed us...we weren't there...but, we will be in six days.

She truly is ours!

BITTER-SWEET

THE SWEET...We travel in 10 days. We are packing and very, very excited! "Pancake" (who is 12) is bouncing off the walls. She is ready to go get her sister! We are ready to go! What once was the unsure, and fear to travel has now become an incredible aching of anticipation. God has prepared us well. We want to go now! His timing is perfect! We are especially thrilled that we will be staying at the Bejoe house and are excited to meet all the wonderful people in which we have heard. We are so ready, we think, to have our Mekdes home. What a journey!

THE BITTER...my mother-in-law is dying. She has been given one month. She has decided not to go through radiation. The tumor growing in her brain has almost doubled in size since April. She then had surgery to move the tumor, it is evidently back, and worse. It is difficult to imagine, or let this truth sink in. It was just a year ago she was here in the midwest celebrating "The Boy's" graduation from high school. She was spunky and healthy. I hurt for "Da Man," he is so torn, and yet we again realize that God's timing is perfect, even when it is painful.

She Is Ours

It is official....

we will be leaving on June 2oth

to get our almost 10yr old daughter from Ethiopia.

Praise God!

COURT DATE!!!

WE GOT OUR COURT DATE TODAY! HIP-HIP HURRAY!!! June 3rd. We are excited, shocked and praising God. We did not expect a court date so soon. It has been exactly 30 days since we received our referral. I guess we were still rejoicing that we finally did get our referral; a name and a face, with a beautiful smile. Wow! We are thankful!

My God Is So Big

"My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there is nothing my God cannot do..."

So, if anyone thinks God is not in the miracle business anymore, they are so WRONG. God is at work every second of the day, this is really nothing new, but it is easy to say and then not pay any attention to the work God is still doing. Sometimes it takes something big to jolt the reality of His miracles into view. Over the past two weeks we have been witnessing the work of our Lord in a very real way.


Our pastor's wife became ill over night on April 2nd. The doctors said that she would not live. She was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis and the doctors said that they have never seen anyone survive with this type and stage of the illness. The first 24 to 48 hours were critical....it has now been two weeks.

"My God is so big..."


Our pastor's wife is alive, off of the ventilator, out of the coma, out of ICU...alive, Thank you God! The road to recovery will be long, but this dear woman is out of the critical stage. She is now in rehabilitation and each day there is progress.

"So strong and so mighty..."


The healing of our pastor’s wife is an amazing blessing from God, but watching and hearing how so many people have come together and to the Lord leaves me in awe. There are people all over the world praying for her, and then there are people who are hearing the Word of God through this Miracle for the very first time. People have been able to reach out to others who are not believers through this miraculous story of our pastor's wife, and this great amazing story of my Lord and Savior.


"There is nothing my God cannot do..."

I Am So Excited to Be Below Average! Praise God!

We got our referral call from Mary today, March 17, 2009 (actually yesterday, but I have not slept yet and it is 4am on the 18th). Although we began the adoption process over a year ago, due to various hurdles we were officially on the referral wait list for 6 months and 4 days. The “average” wait time for a referral is 6 ½ months, we were below that timeline, which puts us below average, I can’t imagine a time in my life that I would cheer for being below average, but right now I am doing a happy dance! God is good! I think my husband and I are both still in shock. We were so used to not getting “the call” that we are just so surprised that it actually happened. After our conference call with Mary, my husband called me 3 times on his commute home from work, he didn’t even have anything to say, he was just completely giddy.
The referral pics were filled with our smiling beautiful 9 ½ year old girl.

Anyway, we now get to play the new waiting game…court date.

Waiting

The song “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller is from the Movie Fireproof.
When my husband and I saw that movie, back in October this song really spoke to me.
The movie was excellent and obviously not about adoption, however, the words to that song is what I needed to here....

I am trusting God while I wait, I am hopeful, in this painful time, but patiently, I wait. I will move ahead confidently, trying to be obedient. I will serve you God, while I wait. I will worship you. I’ll be running your race even while I wait. I am peaceful waiting on you Lord. It’s not easy, but faithfully I will wait. I will serve you, I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord.

So, this is often my prayer.
Oh, how I fall far from these words,
but sometimes this song reminds me
of where I need to be and what I need to be doing.




~You can view the John Waller Fireproof video below
its the one on the far left of the video bar below~

TO BLOG, OR NOT TO BLOG, THAT IS THE QUESTION....

The stubbornness in me was fighting the whole idea of blogging. I don’t have time to read blogs, much less write them. Several months back (5 ½ months to be exact) in our adoption process, I was told, “This is when most people start blogging”. I still couldn’t fathom who would really have the time to do this, why they would want to, and who would read them.

In the midst of life… trying to GET my house clean, then KEEP it clean, laundry, homeschooling, errands and activities where in the world would I have the time for blogging and why would I? I know God is sufficient. Through prayer journaling,
quiet times, church and an awesome friend & family support, why would I then need to voice my feelings and thoughts for other people to see (if they even cared)?

But for some reason I have this urge to say more, to do more, express my feelings, give a SHOUT OUT to all of you who are in similar situations. I know I am not alone, and neither are you. So, I have come to the realization that maybe this blogging thing is a good thing. A way to get it all out….

SO HERE I AM, BLOGGING...

I have reached a point in our adoption process where the waiting is driving me crazy.

ANYONE ELSE THERE????

Each day I wake up thinking, this might be “the” day we get the call for our referral. Every time the phone rings I jump. I try not to look at the caller I.D. before I pick the phone up, thinking then maybe, it actually might be Gladney on the other end. I go to sleep thinking about the call. I dream about the call. I dream about who our little girl might be. What she will be like (I must admit, some of those dreams are quite odd). I almost feel paralyzed from real life, just waiting. I cannot tell you how many things I have chosen not to do, thinking we may have a new child with us by then.

My husband told me that I am “thinking” about “it” too much. I know he is absolutely right (which is usually the case). But, at least when you are pregnant you have some sort of idea when the child is going to pop out.

I am constantly giving our adoption to the Lord (Phil4:6~ “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”), but in complete truth, I am really good at taking it back away. I do know our Lord will not give me anything I cannot handle (1Cor. 10:13~ “…He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear…”). I know he will provide (Phil. 4:19~ “And my God will meet all of your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”), I know he is sovereign (Jeremiah 32:17~ Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.”) In the end it will all make sense, his timing is perfect (Ecclesiastes 3:11~ “He has made everything beautiful in its time…”).

So here I am… here we are, waiting...