Fasten Your Seatbelts...Keep All Hands And Arms Inside At All Times...The Ride Is About To Begin

....It is off the Grandma and Grandpa's...just me and the two girls leaving at 7am...hopefully some of the 5 our trip will be filled with sleep (by the girls, not me)....

This will be the first time my Mom, my wonderful Mom, my friend, my constant shoulder to lean on...will meet M....We are all very excited!...Bouncing off the walls excited! We are also fearful...

Fearful of the conflict, the emotions, all the "female" emotions, of sharing Grandma (and Grandpa)... sharing hugs, time, love, play, conversation...all what used to be just Pancake's...There is great potential for fun, and there is a great potential for sickening trials, drama, and...emotions....HELP!

I know the reality is, that regardless of what happens...it will be good to be with my Mom...
It will be good for M. and still a blessing filled with wonderful memories for Pancake, too.

So we will hang on tight...trusting God...for the ride to come...

College Bound Year 2

The Boy left today...college bound year 2.....

It seems like summer has barely begun and yet The Boy is heading back to school.

He really doesn't begin for two more weeks,

however football camp/training is a-callin'....

I still do not think M completely understands this concept, but when The Boy doesn't show up for several weeks, I think she will get it. I did try to explain that we will go see him play in some of his football games. M's response was, "Is there a playground?"...She truly fits in with the girls of our family. Da Man will miss all the guy talk that he is so often neglected of throughout most of the year. ...(another topic, another time, probably not... this T.V. cage fighting thing, what in the world...???)

The Boy worked hard this summer...three jobs (kind of), plus continuous training and working out and still ready for more.... We will miss him, but also know we will see him soon...

Our NOT So Lovely Day

Today was one of those days that I was hoping could speed up, so it would just be OVER. Right now I have two girls lying in their beds...both mad at me...or, hopefully by now, asleep.

I could not win today.

We had tears from all three of us.

The emotions were; sad to angry,

small...very, very, small moments of happiness to pouty,

mad to sulky,

fairness to jealousy,

to not-fair,

to grieving...

an endless roller coaster ...

if it was not one child, it was the other...

or both...

or, me.

I finally gave myself a timeout in my bedroom,

door shut and no interruptions for maybe all of ten minutes.

Everything was just completely out of WACK today....

M wants to go back to Ethiopia.

She misses her Grandmother....

sometimes I forget that God is watching over us,

guiding us in the path we should go.

How dare I question His plan!

Lately, I have been wondering why in the world did we bring this little girl to America, when she has a family in Ethiopia that knows and loves her. Why are we aloud to adopt these children, when they have family that they have maintained contact with throughout their "orphaned" life?

Is this truly an orphan?

I love M, whole heartily.

She is apart of our family right here in America.

God lead us down this path of adoption and I know M. is the perfect fit for our family....

but it is simply crushing to see her little heart ache for her other family...

in Ethiopia.

In addition to the above;

we have the language barrier and many misunderstandings

that are interpreted as favoritism when it is truly just a misinterpretation.

Then of course,

Pancake feels left out because of all the attention M is getting.

....I know, I know,...its just one of those days.

Only by God's grace did we make it through today,

and I pray tomorrow we are rejoicing in whatever He gives us.

Goodnight!

The Reality

A not-so-tearful M with Pancake

When I see the slow trickle of a tear out of M's eyes, I know, I just know, she is yearning, and heartbroken for what...or who has been left behind. Often in these times of solace I will ask M, "What is wrong?" "Are you sad?" And the common response is, "Nutting (Nothing)."

... Two days ago she actually admitted she missed Ethiopia....she missed her Grandmother. I wanted to tell her, "You will see her soon." or, "Lets call her." But I knew and know, this is not true and not an option...I can, and did say, "Let's write your Grandmother a letter." Then, the guilty sinking weighted feeling at the pit of my stomach throbbed... and throbs with the most likely truth; that the Grandmother will never receive M's letters....It hurts my heart to know I can not fully help.... I can not fix the pain that M is feeling.

I cannot fully understand, or comprehend what she is feeling.... it must feel something like the death of a loved one... I do understand that feeling. Maybe, it is not quite that strong of a feeling, yet...but when it is completely understood in her little heart and mind the full reality of "coming to America" I think this is what she will feel.

M is adjusting well, beyond what we could ever have hoped...but the truth is, there is still a lot of hurt...a lot of pain that she will have to process throughout her life. I know M belongs to Christ and through him she and we will make it through all of this together.

With Loss Their Is Gain

My Mother-In-Law with "Da Man"

My Mother-in-law died in the midst of our Ethiopian travels.
The day we met M...

our first day in Ethiopia...

day 3 of our journey...

was also the day we found out My husband's Mom had passed.

We knew it was very likely she would go while we were traveling,

but it was still a struggle to process while we were so far away and,

in the middle of something so incredibly joyful.

We know God is Sovereign.

We know that it was HIS will.

In sadness we will praise him and in joyous times ...

we will praise him.

"Pancake with M"

The Long Awaited Moment

My God is So Good So Strong & So Mighty,

There Is Nothing My God CANNOT Do!

Thank you Lord!

Moments after we were united

what a trip

We were giddy, and goofy, and abounding with joy for our Ethiopian trip!

After all the packing, praying, arranging, re-arranging, weighing bags, praying, late nights, lists, phone calls, emails, cleaning, organizing and more praying....getting on that first airplane to Washington D.C. seemed like a vacation. Pancake got her window seat and we listened to an audio book on the ipod...we were on the way to get our M. Any lists, phone calls, organizational tasks, planning...none of it mattered. What was done was done. We were on our way...breath...thank you, Lord!

The trip was quite an adventure....No heights, nor depths, will keep us from our M. No hours upon hours of travel, nor canceled flights, nor sleeping in the the D.C. airport, or no leg room, or bad customer service, nor no luggage....will keep us from our M. Amen!